


First Love And Second Chances

by ImpulsivelyBlue



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DC - Fandom, DCU
Genre: Annocat is amazing, Hurts So Good, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, my feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:58:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpulsivelyBlue/pseuds/ImpulsivelyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you." </p><p>Jason's breath is gone. It burns through his body leaving him, it runs towards the grey skies of Gotham. It's running out of his lungs because Tim just said, he said. God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Alley Way

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like how this turned out.
> 
> I haven't written much in a while and it's starting to show.
> 
> The character representation is bad but there are several other chapters that have been typed up and may not be very follow able but you'll just have to wait and see.
> 
> Sorry about spelling.

\---

"I love you." 

Jason's breath is gone. It burns through his body leaving him, it runs towards the grey skies of Gotham. It's running out of his lungs because Tim just said, he said. God. 

Jason has many memories of Tim's voice. 

A voice that is sometimes full laughter and orders that have to be followed, the voice of Robin. The powerful voice of Timothy Drake-Wayne, CEO, perfect son, perfect heir. And the cold, cold voice that is so blank and emotionless, but still somehow is quietly deadly and cutting that it just screams Red Robin. 

Then there was this. 

This was different from anything Jason's heard before. 

It was soft and nervous and somehow so totally honest that Jason's breath catches, trapped. His thoughts are running now his breath is trapped, making a quick escape making him stumble an fall over his feet, trying to catch hold of something, before he snaps back to himself and is speaking before it even registers. 

"No." 

He watches Tim's face crumble. He watches it break and fall and he can't look away, he can't stop the words that are rushing out of his mouth. He can see the hurt in Tim's eyes, and god, when did he take his mask off, it hurts so much to watch. 

"No. God no. Fuck no. Just because I've been working some cases with you? Maybe sharing some information you think it means that I care? Damn, Replacement your more fucked up tan I thought. Ha. God. Really? You!? You really thought I could love you?" Jason feels his face twist in to a hurtful sneer. "You are nothing to me, and you never will be. You are just a replacement, pretender, fake. Ha. Nothing."

Jason feels his feet carry him forward as he speaks, he's stood in front of Tim. He's looking down in to those baby blue eyes and he can't help the hurt he's causing. Some part of him wants to break Tim. The other part though? The other part wants to hug him, to kiss him and hold him close. To tell him 'I love you too.' 

But he can't stop speaking and it's killing them both. 

He sneers again looking down on Tim, baby, baby bird, Robin, Red Robin, replacement, and he just can't stop. He sees Tim's hunched shoulders, the way his too thin arms are held tight around himself, like he's trying to hold himself all together. His lips are trembling, his cheeks are red in embarrassment and Jason's looking down on a bowed head of a defeated figure. 

He doesn't move quickly, but he does try to step away from Jason. His back hits the alley wall behind him and Jason's arms press against the stone, boxing him in. Jason leans down. 

"Hey Babybird," he coos, feeling Tim flinch away he moves one hand to roughly cup Tim's chin before jerking his face up to meet Jason, "Go one. Say it again. Tell me how much you fucking love me now Replacement." Tim's eyes widen and his lips part to let out a whimper as tears overflow from his eyes. 

Jason let's go of him and steps back Tim slides to the dirty alley floor pulling his knees to his chest as the tears just keep flowing. He doesn't make a sound again. 

Jason steps back. He should be happy he reminds himself. He's done what he wanted, he's broken the replacement. This should be a great occasion. 

But all he feels is dread. And the over whelming sadness that goes hand in hand with a broken heart. He wants to run back to Tim, to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. But he doesn't. He turns and he walks away. He walks because he can't fly now, he can't run across rooftops. He feels like here's fallen and he doesn't want to get up. 

He emerges from the mouth of the alley way pushing past the working girls he haven't noticed before. Non on them say anything, most look ready to run to the broken hero in the alleyway the moment they can. 

He carries on walking, he finds his bike and he leaves Tim broken and alone in the alley way. 

\---


	2. Running Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't even know where he's going anymore. 
> 
> He just knows he has to go, he has to get away from the no-no-no-I-didn't-mean-it-please-believe-me-baby, so he keeps going. He keeps going until he reaches the familiar part of Gotham, their- no his territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previous Title: 'First Love, Second Chances And The Family That Never Had The Chance To Be'

\---

He doesn't even know where he's going anymore. 

He just knows he has to go, he has to get away from the no-no-no-I-didn't-mean-it-please-believe-me-baby, so he keeps going. He keeps going until he reaches the familiar part of Gotham, their- no his territory.

He jumped from his bike. The silence of the engine revealing the surrounding silence of the street. 

He's at one of his safe houses. He can't go back to the place he was staying after all it was Tim's apartment. It was almost like it was theirs, like he could almost call it home. 

But now. For now he runs. He runs from his words, from Tim's tears and his own heart break. 

He runs and he can't face flying like he has always known on the rooftops. It hurt too much to do that. 

To remember the moments that he ran and flew with Batman, B, Bruce, Dad when he was Robin, Son, Little Brother. 

And then the moments with Robin, Replacement, Pretender, Red Robin, Tim, hang-on-when-did-we-stop-trying-to-kill-each-other, Babybird, Baby, Love when he was Red Hood, That Robin, His Robin, Jason, Jay so he runs and he tries to forget.

He can't tear the image of Tim's tear stained face from his mind. 

He can't stop the words "I love you" from echoing and repeating over and over agin in his head. 

He runs and the burning of his lungs is painful and raw. But deep down he knows it will never be like the burning, burning, hurt in his chest. Jason spared a moment to wheeze out a strained laugh as he thinks, 'this myst be heart break.'

He's still running away and he feels like he should be running towards the crumpled figure that he's left behind. 

It's only when he eventually reaches one of his most run down safe houses and tumbles through the window only to collapses on to the floor that he realises he's crying. 

'Yes', he thinks again as he cry, sob, laughs, wails, in to his hands, 'this must be heart break.'

\---


	3. Okay, But Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim was frozen.
> 
> He didn’t know what he was meant to be feeling. All he could focus on was the deep, stabbing pain of Jason’s words and the burning in his chest. 
> 
> He knew he was crying and he knew people were watching him. 
> 
> He also knew that he had to go back to the manor tonight. 
> 
> And he knew that he couldn’t go home.
> 
> But what Tim didn’t know was how Jason would react to his words. 
> 
> He meant what he said and it was obvious that Jason had meant what he was saying to Tim. It was so clear now in his mind, Jason boxing him against the wall, the hope that Jason would say something before the crushing painful no-no-no-stop-speaking-please-I-can’t-take-it as the words spilled from Jason’s mouth and the wetness behind his eyes spilling down on to his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, Update!

\---

Tim was frozen.

He didn’t know what he was meant to be feeling. All he could focus on was the deep, stabbing pain of Jason’s words and the burning in his chest. 

He knew he was crying and he knew people were watching him. 

He also knew that he had to go back to the manor tonight. 

And he knew that he couldn’t go home.

But what Tim didn’t know was how Jason would react to his words. 

He meant what he said and it was obvious that Jason had meant what he was saying to Tim. It was so clear now in his mind, Jason boxing him against the wall, the hope that Jason would say something before the crushing painful no-no-no-stop-speaking-please-I-can’t-take-it as the words spilled from Jason’s mouth and the wetness behind his eyes spilling down on to his cheeks.

Tim picked himself up of the ground. He didn’t know how long he had been sat there but he knew that he was cold, dirty and, once again, alone. Looking down on his shaking hands and noticing the crumpled mask in his hand something in Tim snapped. 

He suddenly felt the cold of the weather seeping in to his very bones and the fiery emotions dulling to a cruel painful stabbing. 

But it didn’t feel.

It didn’t feel real.  
Actually it didn’t really feel like anything Tim had ever felt before.

It felt subdued and like he could hide it away. Like he could look anyone in the eyes and say ‘I’m okay’ and they would believe him. It felt like he could stand in front of Batman and say ‘I'm okay’ and he wouldn’t see the lie. It felt like he could say ‘I’m okay’ and the newspapers wouldn’t find fault in his words. Tim felt like he could say ‘I’m okay’ and he could look okay. Tim felt like he could lie, like he could cover up his feelings and wait until he could break. 

Jason may have been his first crush, his idol and recently something like a friend but what he hoped could be more. But obviously he was wrong.  
Tim slipped the mask back on to his face. He was relaxed and his face was blank, he knew if he was to look in to a mirror then he would see dead, empty eyes looking back at him. 

“Red?”

Tim’s head snapped round. He stood straighter as he stepped forward standing before the curious eyes of one of the braver working girls who had stepped forwards. Her name was Anna, his mind supplied, but he couldn’t find it in himself to reassure her or to talk.

Instead he stepped forward and lied. 

He lies to her. 

He lies to himself.

He lies to the curious girls that hung back but were still listening. 

“I’m okay.”

The ‘no your not’ wasn’t said the lie was left as it was hanging heavy in the air. She nodded shuffling back to the others behind her. They looked on at him pitying and sad before he swung up and away on to tall buildings that surrounded the alley way. The burning, no no no, started to push its way back in to his mind, but Tim pushed it back and in to a haze of numbness and what he will eventually have to feel. But not now.

He doesn’t have to feel it now. 

He can say he’s okay and he can try to believe it but he doesn’t have to feel the not okay yet. 

No, not yet.

Tim keeps running. He swings and he flies and he doesn’t feel the over whelming joy and happiness it normally brings with it. Soon he’s moving from rusted fire escapes to small rooftop gardens before he swings down to the ground and starts running. He uses the secret entrances and passage ways that are older then he is.  
Eventually he’s back at the manor, in the cave.

Damian and Dick are already back. They don’t notice that he’s back late. They don’t notice that he’s back at all and if they did notice they obviously don’t care. 

But apparentally he was hoping for too much because Damian turns around and as soon as his eyes settle on Tim his lip curls in disgust and he squares his shoulders as he gets ready to speak.

“Finally Drake, you are late, can’t you do anything right?” Damian smirks as Tim carries on walking towards the showers. A small part of Tim’s mind, through the haze, registers Damian following him. As always Dick doesn’t do anything to stop him. 

“What’s the matter Drake? Finally ready to admit that you are not needed.” 

Tim stands in front of his locker to change; he turned his back on Damian as he removes his mask. He doesn’t need to give the demon brat more things to pick at about Tim, so he quickly changes and heads to the stairs to the grandfather clock and to his room for a shower. 

“Tt, pathetic Drake. No wonder all your little friends left you.” Tim tenses, something passes through the haze but he carries on walking.

He starts running as soon as he’s out of the cave and out of Damian’s sight. Dick doesn’t stop him, he doesn’t tell Damian to stop either so insults follow him as he leaves.

As soon as he’s in his room the haze starts to leave him, his body hurts and he’s cold. There is a crushing weight on his chest and he’s headed in to the bathroom before he realises where he’s going. Tim slips down in to the shower as soon as the water starts running. He’s concentration on the pain, pain, pain and the no, no, no. wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them towards his chest Tim begins to shake. His tears merge in to the water as he cries, rocking himself under a now burning spray of water. 

Tim stays there until the shower timer kicks in hours later. He’s still crying and the pain is still there but now there is more pain, his skin prickling with it. Words are spilling from his mouth before he can stop them. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.” 

Tim repeats himself over and over again, through the sobs that feel like they are being forced from his body and trying to make himself believe it. To try and make it true.

He doesn’t move, he’s scared he’s going to fall apart.

He’s scared that someone will find him. 

He’s scared of seeing Jason again. 

He’s scared of facing Damian's words and Dick’s silence.

He’s scared of Alfred’s look of disappointment at how often he has been at the manor.

He’s scared so very, very scared that he’s falling apart that he’s not only just broken now.

But he’s scared of being heart broken too. 

“I’m not okay.”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos guys! It's really awsome that some of you have bookmarked this fic and I hope I don't let you down! 
> 
> Updates will be every friday and if I have two chapters ready then there will be updated on wednesday and friday. I'm sorry if that is a little confusing. If you want me to explain it then just leave a comment. 
> 
> And, Hey! I have figured out the plot and planned out where this is going so woo!
> 
> If you see any spelling mistakes, leave a comment and I will change it.
> 
> Thanks again guys!


	4. The Not-So-Deleted-Recordings

\---

Barbra was worried.

It was not often she would keep this to herself; normally she would just go straight to the person who was causing her worry and distracting her from her work and try and fix or fix whatever the problem was.

She couldn’t do that this time though.

After all to be able to speak to the person and fix the problem then she had to be able to actually talk to them. She couldn’t find Tim and it was worrying her. Tim shouldn’t be able to avoid her, in theory it should be impossible. In theory. 

But he was avoiding her and she didn’t know why. Well she thought she knew why but without actually talking to Tim, she couldn’t be sure. And it was not like she could talk to Jason either; he was almost as good at Bruce when it came to avoiding talking about feelings.

This, of course, didn’t stop Barbra from tracking their last steps and conversations. Soon she had tracked down a hand full of safe houses that Tim had been using, and dozen more that Jason had been using frequently. The two of them never stayed in the same place for more than a few nights. It was clear from the pattern that was emerging from their movements that they were avoiding each other. Even the common criminals had figured out that Red Hood and Red Robin, who had been working so effectively only weeks before, were staying away from each other. It was worrying. 

Barbra, of course, had taken her findings and her worries to Dick. He had brushed her off saying that it was not important in the grand scheme of things and she needed to focus on the mission rather than two people having a minor disagreement or a little fight. She didn’t ask for his help again. She didn’t take whatever new information she unearthed, about Tim and  
Jason’s ‘minor disagreement’, to him, she kept to herself.

She still tracked them when she could, eventually she found some footage and recordings tat sort of confirmed her suspicions about what the fight was about. 

She watched as Tim folded in on himself, she watched as Jason just kept talking. 

She watched them run. 

And then she watched Jason fall apart. 

After watching all of this and tracking Tim back to the cave where she presumed that someone would take care of him, she watched as Damian hurt Tim with his words and how Dick made it that much worse by not doing anything about it. 

She watched Tim run back to his room and she saw him fall apart. 

She stopped watching after that.

Barbra saved away the footage that someone had tried so hard to hide away, to completely erase from existence, but had obviously been too distracted to do anything more than delete the primary footage. 

The recordings weren’t damaged; they were the next thing she looked at. What she heard made her so angry she was upset. She listened to Tim. He was leaving messages on the answering machine of one of the safe houses that he and Jason had been using before their  
fight.

“… Hey Jay. I- I know you aren’t using our- the old safe house. But. Um. But I just wanted to say. Well. ‘I’m sorry, and um, well. Yeah, okay.”

“…Just me again. Well, I know you aren’t using this place anymore. But um, I ah. I. I’m sorry.”

“Its just. No wait its okay. I get it. I’m just going to go now. Sorry.”

“I know I should stop calling. I know, okay. I know its just. I keep hoping you will answer the phone just once. I. I know its stupid, Um. Okay. Sorry. Bye.”

“You were right you know. About Dick. I. I should have listened to you. Sorry.

“… Ill stop calling. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Jay I lo- No. I’m sorry.”

“… I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I understand. Its okay. I’m sorry.”

“I just, I’m. Well. Ugh. Sorry for calling.”

“Hey Jay, well. I just. I wanted to say.”

“I love you.”

“Sorry. I’ll stop.”

“Sorry I called.”

“Sorry, I love you. Just. Yeah. Sorry.”

“…”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was going to edit this and I have. This is the chapter I had planned and now I've finnaly got it up. I hope you guys like it
> 
> What I origanaly had saved as chaper 4 is now saved and I will add a link to it later.
> 
> EDIT: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1005191


	5. Alfred Sees It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred didn’t like it. He didn’t know what had happened or what was happening but he didn’t like it. Something was wrong.
> 
> He hadn’t seen Timothy since he went to check on him after he came back from patrol weeks ago. Somehow just talking to him, and finding out what was wrong, had turned in to a scolding. He always felt bad for Timothy, during these times. It has always felt so wrong, even now, to tell the boy that always had to be perfect he’s done something wrong.

\---

Alfred didn’t like it. He didn’t know what had happened or what was happening but he didn’t like it. Something was wrong.

He hadn’t seen Timothy since he went to check on him after he came back from patrol weeks ago. Somehow just talking to him, and finding out what was wrong, had turned in to a scolding. He always felt bad for Timothy, during these times. It has always felt so wrong, even now, to tell the boy that always had to be perfect he’s done something wrong.

Alfred could remember when Timothy was young. Such a small boy. So eager to please. And even more disappointed in himself as the person scolding him. It was a while before Alfred knew how to make Timothy feel as comfortable as his other adopted grandchildren. He was always the quiet one, but a good help as well. Dick and Jason would try to help, even Bruce had his moments, but cooking in the comfortable silence of the kitchen with Timothy was always one of his favourite times.

He missed those times.

He’s tried, of course, to get Dick to go and speak to his little brother. But he wouldn’t be told. He just put off calling his brother, eventually they were not communicating at all, except for patrol. Alfred was disappointed in his oldest grandson. Timothy had tried to talk to Dick; he had swallowed his anger and his pride and gone to his big brother. He shouldn’t have, it was just thrown back in his face. 

Damian may be Bruce’s son, and now one of Alfred’s grandchildren but that doesn’t mean that he has to be civil in any way to them. Dick never scolded him, and so it was left to Alfred to tell the boy no. 

Needless to say that didn’t go down well. 

Dick was no help either, only listening to what the boy had to say before he went to Alfred to complain about the older mans words to the child. They weren’t on the best of terms now; they hadn’t been on the best of terms since then.

Alfred was relived to be getting along with Jason and Tim. Tim would still go around to the manor to visit Alfred and they would bake or play chess. There had even been one day when both Jason and Tim both came home to see the older man. Tim and Jason had played chess and Alfred had watched amused. Dick and Damian weren’t in the manor at any of these times. When they went away it was some of the only times Jason or Tim would come to the manor. Neither felt safe with the new dynamic duo in the same building as themselves. 

Alfred had watched on, one day, as Damian and Dick had turned up unexpectedly. There had been a fight. Damian had started it, in Alfred’s opinion and he suspected both Jason and Tim felt the same as he did. Jason had protected Tim as Damian threw a knife at him. Dick had shouted at his brother. The wrong one. He had blamed Tim. Jason didn’t take that well, neither did Tim. 

Alfred had been proud of Jason protecting Tim. He had seen how the two were becoming closer and he was pleased with their progress. He thought, sometimes, in small smiles and the soft exchanges that there might be something more between them, but he hadn’t pushed for answers. 

He wishes he had been more curious now. Maybe he would have more or an idea what was going on now. Whatever was happening Alfred was determined to find out, he didn’t want to lose the two again.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update. Next week will be longer. Thanks for the continued support guys!


	6. (Still) Running From The Meomories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason knew that they wanted to find him. He also knew that because they wanted to find him they were actually making a conscious and slightly organised effort to find him.

\--- 

Jason knew that they wanted to find him. He also knew that because they wanted to find him they were actually making a conscious and slightly organised effort to find him.

Babs was trying to track him as Oracle and she seemed to be doing a damn good job because he was pretty sure that he’d seen a familiar face around a few times. Alfred wasn’t forgettable. The man had had a hand in raising him after all. 

Jason didn’t want to be found though. So he tried harder. He stayed for shorter and shorter amounts of time in safe houses; he dyed his hair more times than he could count. He didn’t ware his leather jacket and started wearing glasses. Because hey, why not? It worked for super kid and the blue boy scout. 

He didn’t want to be found. Why won’t they leave him alone? Surely they have something more exiting and worthwhile to be doing instead. Maybe they could track down Ti-Bab-Replacement from wherever he crawled off to. 

It’s not like Jason cares or anything. 

He just wants to know where the pain in the ass is so he can stay the hell away from him. So far he’s just been hanging around Crime Alley avoiding anything and all things Bat related or to do with any of the ever growing group of heroes. 

He knows it won’t last though. Eventually Alfred will find him and Babs will track him down using her contacts. But that doesn’t mean he has to make it easier for her.

Eventually he will have to admit what happened and recall how he reacted. He will have to admit how he feels and who he walked away from. 

But not today. 

No, for now he picks up some cheap hair dye from a convenience store that sells questionable food and he moves on again. 

If he keeps moving, if he keeps going, he doesn’t have to think about it. He doesn’t have to remember and he doesn’t have to acknowledge the screaming in his head that’s partly the pit but also himself, screaming at him to go back to Tim

For now he moves on. He stays ahead. He doesn’t want to remember. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had a little writers block and test week. Next chapter is already half typed out so update days are back on track.


End file.
